Tuesday 29 May 2012

Blog 21: Sending sext messages!


Ok this isn’t a blog about sending rude texts…. But it got your attention right?

Blog 21 out of 52; it's getting tough to keep writing but I'm still thoroughly enjoying it and hope you are too!

Today’s blog is to actually ask (beg!) for your votes, especially if you’ve liked what you’ve read so far.

Cosmopolitan magazine has a 2012 blog of the year competition with a category for ‘relationships and sex’

These are voted for by the public, which means that I can ask my family, friends, Twitter and Facebook followers to rally the troops and get the blog into the shortlists!

The link to nominate is here, if you could be so kind as to click it:

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/blogs/cosmo-blog-awards-2012/cosmo-blog-awards-2012_nominate

Please vote, but also pass this on to everyone you know and hopefully I’ll be able to gather some votes! 


Just click on the links below to post it this to your facebook, twitter and email.

Fingers crossed and much love always

Grace x

(P.S. The real blog 21 will come later this week!)

Monday 28 May 2012

Blog 20: In the words of Dizzee Rascal "Get away from the bar...."

Unless you’ve been living like a hermit, you’ll know that last weekend was absolutely BOILING hot.
I even have the strap marks to prove it!
Everyone loves the sunshine. Fact.
Summer dress, dove body milk tan, toe nails painted, beached-waves hair style…..
All I need now is a beer garden with a nice glass of Pimms.
‘I’ll meet you  at the bar at 1pm’ my friend had text on Saturday morning.
Now excuse me for sounding like a bit of a tart, but there’s something about the sunshine that, at much as I hate to admit it, makes even the chaviest of men look like Brad Pitt.
And so; Sunshine + Beer Garden = pretty much the best place to meet Mr Right?
It’s the ideal setting.
You want to meet a guy so you go to a place that has a variety of Y-chromosomes packed into 2000 square feet.
All single, all looking, all ready to buy you a drink and get to know you.
On paper it would seem that a bar or club is the ideal place to meet someone.
However, we all know the reality of this situation.
Just this weekend my friend met a guy in a bar.
He was tall, and cute, and had the most adorable Irish accent (Man, those accents are hard to resist!)
They talked and laughed, drank and danced , whilst I stood talking to his seemingly lifeless friend.
She was interested, he was mesmerized; so much so that I had now become engrossed in Draw Something to pass the time.
He asked for her number, she gladly obliged.
A seemingly perfect first meeting.
Until about 3 hours later when we saw him snogging the face off some other girl on the dance floor.
Yet another example of how bars and clubs are not good places to meet your next boyfriend.
“But wait a minute!!” I hear you say matter-of-factly “My bestfriend met her boyfriend in a bar and now they’re engaged. And he is lovely, smart, kind, nice, perfect boyfriend material. So meeting a boy in a bar can’t be that bad?”
Fair play. You’ve got a good point.
The truth is that yes, you can absolutely meet the love of your life at a bar or club.
Yes, that’s right, you can.
Your best friend is the living proof of it.
We just have to realise that that it’s not the venue itself that’s the problem.
It’s just the copious amounts of alcohol, the beer goggles and our ”pick me, pick me” attitudes that seem to fuck things up a little bit.
So here goes, a girls guide to meeting Mr. Right in a bar.
Firstly, timing is everything:
Remember the fairytale story Cinderella? The number one rule for that damsel in distress was to leave the ball at 12pm otherwise her carriage would turn to a pumpkin and her horse guards into rats.
Well, the same goes for guys. 
Depending on what time you are out on the scene will determine what kind of guy you are going to find once you’re there.
If you are on the prowl starting at 10 p.m. and going until three in the morning, don’t be surprised if you constantly meet flakes, drunks and professional partiers – basically horse guards that turn into Rats 
If, however, you hit the bars for happy hour (anytime between 5-10 pm) you are more likely to meet a good, quality guy.  The reason is simple.  You aren’t as drunk, which means you’re well composed and thinking logically. Suddenly the guy who’s doing a strip tease on the bar doesn’t look exactly like Channing Tatum!
The guys you meet in a bar before 10pm are the guys that make good boyfriends.
Secondly, beware of the guy who knows the world and his wife!
If you haven’t watched “How I met your Mother” then get out from under your rock and go sit in front of your TV right now. 
There’s a character in it called Barney.
Barney is the womanizing Lothario that loiters around his local bar, McClarens, scoping out the ladies, and targeting his next score.
He’s there every night (yes even before 10pm). 
He is a regular.  A fixture, if you will. 
He is also to be avoided. 
If you come across a guy that claims the bar is his second home then you should pay for your drink and be on your way, or have him pay for your drink and be on your way, either way don’t stick around and get to know him. 
Men that hang out at bars so frequently they have a regular booth are not marriage material. 
One of my friends learned this the hard way.  She met her ex-boyfriend in Yates in Bolton:
He was a regular. (How you can be attracted to a man that is a regular in Bolton Yates’ is beyond my understanding, but each to their own.)
He was there so often he was invited to their company Christmas party.
At first it seemed like fun, but there are only so many weekends you can spend in Yates - especially Yates’ in Bolton!
If she wasn’t there drinking sour apple Corkys and pitchers of Woo Woo with him, then she was at home wondering where he was (even though she knew), and fighting with him to stop going out. 
She was constantly alone, frustrated and angry.
Eventually she gave him an ultimatum: It’s me or Yates (in Bolton).
I’m still not sure how she ever got over the fact he chose Yates! (Not even a slug and lettuce) over her!
At first it could seem an attractive quality – a guy that everyone knows and is treated like royalty whenever he makes an appearance. 
He doesn’t have to wait in line to get in, gets his drinks for free, and knows the bartenders first and last names…
But this is not what you want in a boyfriend.
Finally, not all bars are the same.
Choose your venue wisely.
If you’re looking to meet Mr Right then maybe go somewhere you can have an actual conversation, and not somewhere you have to grind like dog on heat just to get an ounce of attention.
I don't want to sound like a granny, but places with loud music, smoke machines and fancy lighting tend to attract the party-going types.  Likewise, bars that are rowdy, noisy and crowded will make meeting someone all the more difficult. 
Try your local pub or a slightly quieter bar. I can’t promise you will always meet guys there, but your chances of meeting Mr. Right will be better and you will be able to weed out the creeps faster!
To sum it up, can you meet Mr Right in a bar? Absolutely yes.
But you have to know when, how and what to look for. Without the beer goggles on!
xx

Friday 25 May 2012

Blog 19: "I love my boyfriend but I fancy someone else..... " dilemma

It had been a couple of months since I had last seen Hannah.

She had text me at lunch the day, and we arranged to meet up in the evening.

Sat in Regents Park eating our Yo! Sushi in the brisk summer sun, our catch-up conversation naturally progressed to our love lives.

For as long as I can remember (which is apparently only 3 years), Hannah has been dating Nick.

We’d all met whilst travelling and they had hit it off straight away.

At first Nick had been ‘just a good friend’ to Hannah, someone she could confide in about everything.

He was kind, thoughtful, considerate, loving, devoted, and intelligent.

Overtime, this friendship had naturally developed into something more.

“For the first year or 2 it was amazing. I adored him and thought I would marry him” Hannah explained as she dripped the soy sauce over her last bundle of rice. “We had fun, it was exciting”

In my eyes, Hannah and Nick had always been solid (solid, as a rock - to quote the song).

They had the type of comfortable love that you secretly envy.

“But for the last year or so,” Hannah continued “I’ve been feeling as if the spark with Nick has gone”.

Hannah explained that she had been reading my previous blog about the spark, and really connected with it (thank you!)

But as she discussed this ‘spark’ feeling more, I realised she had total misinterpreted something I once wrote.

“Men created the spark to get girls to sleep with them, right?” said Hannah proudly.

“But that isn’t what you and Nick have” I said with a sigh, disappointed that I may have caused her to doubt the integrity of her relationship. “What you and Nick have is much more than the spark: you had the excitement of a new relationship: the joy of getting to know someone and falling hopelessly in love”.

“Yeah, I suppose” Hannah reluctantly agreed “maybe it’s just the honeymoon phase wearing off. Or maybe he isn’t right for me?”

In the three years they had been together, this was the first time I had ever heard Hannah speak so dismissively of Nick.

She was usually so sure of herself, of them.  

Something had changed.

Cue the difficult bit……

“And there’s this guy at work, Graham” Hannah remarked sheepishly. “He’s extremely funny, puts on a bravado in the office, but is sensitive and caring deep down”.

In my dictionary bravado is just another word for total prick.

I immediately dislike this guy.

Hannah’s face began to light up as she spoke about Graham in the same way it did when she first got with Nick.

““Graham and I have opened up a lot recently. He told me he needs me in his life and that I’m quickly becoming one of his best friends”.

“Really?” I said, trying not to sound too cynical….. Pass me the sick bucket please.

“Look I know I’m with Nick” she passively remembered with a taste of guilt “but I can’t help liking this guy”

“Has anything actually happened?” I questioned feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

Hannah paused like a school child dragging her feet out of the door in the morning.

“I’ve stayed in his bed a few times” she confessed “I know I shouldn’t have, but it just sort of happened”

Now, I don’t know about you, but personally, I find it really hard to be a supportive friend when you don’t agree with what your friend is doing.

And, despite the above, Hannah is genuinely a nice person.

As a friend she is thoughtful, loving, kind.

Hurting someone is completely out of her character and would always be the last of her intentions.

“So, basically, I'm wondering what you think?” she eagerly said, with the desperate hope I’d have an answer.

“I don't want to get hurt and don't want to hurt anyone” Hannah sighed “But it's making me so miserable and I don't know what to do?”

Unfortunately, for Hannah, I don’t have an answer for this.

I’ve literally scoured the internet for suggestions.

Googled ‘what to do when you love two people at the same time’

But everyone says something different.

You could tell her that staying with Nick is the right thing to do; this is just a rough patch. He ticks all the boxes and he loves her, why give that up?

Alternatively, you could argue that if Hannah is thinking other thoughts about someone else, then clearly Nick isn’t the one for her. Especially if she has spent the night in Graham’s bed. Hannah clearly isn’t in love with Nick anymore, so she should leave him.

Two entirely different answers to Hannah’s situation yet both as perfectly justified as a take-away.

Both of these answers are subjective at best.

Why? Because love is subjective.

The way I see it, is….

When it comes to meeting Mr Right, there is no rule book.

That’s why this blog is called ’52 weeks of dating advice’ and not ’52 weeks of dating rules’

Trying to apply someone else’s rules and opinions to your own love life is like comparing olives with grapes – it’ll leave you feeling more confused and with a very bad after taste!

Each relationship is different, and you should always follow your heart.

“But what if I don’t know what my heart wants?” Hannah questioned, with the desperate hope of a firm solution.

The solution is to follow the only dating rule everyone should abide by:

Treat others how you would like to be treated.

I am not saying that Hannah is treating Nick badly.

As I said earlier, Hannah is utterly lovely and wouldn’t wish harm upon anybody.

But, in order to find the answer she wants, Hannah needs to treat Nick how she would like to be treated.

That means putting herself in Nick’s shoes.

If Nick was having feelings for someone else and started to doubt what he had with Hannah, what would she want him to do?

There’s no right or wrong answer.

“Either way the decision is going to be hard. But you need to make a tough choice and stick with it.” I told Hannah as we made our way out of the park. “Otherwise, you’ll continue being miserable.”

Personally, if it was me, I would want Nick to split up with me and I most certainly wouldn’t get with this Graham guy! He sounds more troublesome than a Kerry Katona on GMTV.

But that’s just me, what you think might be different.

Maybe you would want Nick to work at it and fix things in your relationship before you give it up.

But that’s the only advice I can give you:

Treat others how you would want to be treated.

How you interpretate that is up to you.

xx

Wednesday 9 May 2012

Blog 18: Every time you make a mistake with a guy, it’s just like eating McDonalds.


It’s May; holiday season is just around the corner; and it’s only a matter of weeks before I find myself on a beach, daring to bare all in a bikini.

It’s that time of year again when we all search frantically for the diet that makes you lose the most weight as quickly as possible, with minimal amount of effort and maximum sexy-on-the-shoreline consequences.

2 days ago I started a new diet called Paleo.

The plan is to eat ‘like a caveman’ for the next 30 days - Meat, eggs, nuts, fruit and lots of veg.

We’re only 48 hours in and already I find myself dreaming about my 350-calorific hot chocolate with whipped cream on top!

So how does dieting tie into dating? I hear you ask.

Because I think there is an important dating lesson in here.

How many of you have tried to lose weight?

When was the last time you clicked on a Victoria Secrets article on the Daily Mail for envious thinspiration?

How many times have you tried the latest dieting craze, only to stumble at day number 2?

The truth is, it’s damn hard to diet.

Dieting takes a lot of effort. It’s a daily grind.

Personally, I have to try really hard to resist the 3pm urge to stuff my face with chocolate (which, rather inconveniently, doesn’t fit in with the current ‘Paleo’ plan)

Unfortunately, for most of us, in order to shed the pounds you have to apply some self-discipline.

You have to say “NO” to McDonald’s and wine, and start saying “YES” to that 30 minute gym programme.

You can’t just wake up one day, say “I think I want to be skinny” and just expect it to just happen.

So, what on earth does this have to do with dating?

Well, in the same way, just like you do with dieting, you have to make good choices daily when it comes to dating.

You can’t just wake up one morning and wish yourself into a relationship.

You have to exercise self-discipline, just like you do with dieting.

How many times have you done something stupid, like invited a guy you just started seeing to spend the night at your place? Or got a drunk text and sent him a sext back, even though he hasn’t called for 5 days? And how many times have you slept with an ex and immediately regretted it afterwards?

All these dating hiccups are just like diet slip-ups.

Every time you make a mistake with a guy, it’s just like eating a McDonalds.

It tastes great at the time, but leaves an awful sick lethargic feeling.

Of course, you can say “I shouldn’t have done that” a million times, and if dating was like dieting, you would be able to physically see the effects of your lack of will power.

You’d look down one day and realize that you can no longer see your feet.

You’d realise that you have not only failed to lose weight, but you have actually gained more baggage than when you first started.

But when it comes to dating, sadly it isn’t that easy.

You can’t see the number creeping up on the heartbreak-scales.

You can’t see the damage you are doing by not disciplining yourself to make good choices.

In fact, sometimes, you don’t even take responsibility for those mistakes.

Instead you blame men for their “lack of commitment”, or you blame “his ex”, or “your picky nature”.

Sometimes you know all the rules of the dating game. You know better than to sleep with a guy on the first date.

But somehow, when something looks good, you have trouble sticking with the program.

Remember if you want to lose weight you have to make tough decisions.

Even though you want to order the triple chocolate gateau, you get the fruit salad instead.

Even though you want to sloth on the couch at the end of the day, you drag yourself to the gym.

Sooooo apply the same principles to dating….

Even though you want to take the hot guy who has been buying you drinks all night, back home for a coffee and snuggle, don’t do it!!! Go home, ON YOUR OWN!

And even though your ex just text saying how gorgeous you are and how sorry he is for dumping you, do not accept his apology and turn up at his door!

Do whatever is necessary to insert some discipline into your temptations.

If it feels like a recipe for disaster, then it probably is. No matter how much you want it.

Remember, it’ll just leave you feeling very disappointed and (overweight too I might add.)

xx