Sunday, 8 July 2012

Blog 25: Things you NEVER want to hear on a first date

The first date.

We’ve all been there.

Dry mouth. Sweaty palms. Racing heartbeat.

You’d think you were about to give a speech in front of thousands, but no, these are just the typical symptoms of how everyone feels on a first date.

You are nervous, and rightfully so!

You don’t know this person, and he doesn’t know you – so the conversation over the next few hours will determine the fate of your future relationship. 

Will this date result in another? Or will this first date also be your last?

No pressure, right?

Between my group of friends and I, we have some shocking first dates!

From degenerate players to pathological liars, cheaters, older guys who said they were younger, younger guys who said they were older, short guys, out of shape guys, steroid-pumping in-shape guys, musicians, bar tenders, waiters.

I once went on a date with a fish monger.

Yes, in a world where you can’t find a boyfriend, you date a man who guts fish for a living.

In this vast world of y chromosomes, first dates can range from explosive to pathetic, and frustratingly they are all a necessity if you ever want to meet Mr. Right.

So, next time you head off on a first date, take a deep breath and try not to panic.

We’ve all been there. It’s a girl thing.

Inspired by a friends recent horrific first date encounter, the below is a list of things you never want to hear on a first date!

All phrases are true and come from my own or friends experiences! (cringe!)

Enjoy x

Things you NEVER EVER want to hear on the build up to, or whilst on a first date

1. “I could find 50 girls in this bar to sleep with” (gross)

2. “I’m really good at making girls feel comfortable enough to have a one night stand” (sorry, did you just say what I think you said?)

3. “I’ve never actually had a serious relationship” (Wow! You sound like a keeper)

4. “My ex is at home watching the kids right now” (*Chokes on drink* Did you conveniently forget to mention children?)

5. “My ex-girlfriend and I only broke up last month” (baggage)

6. “This is a picture of my ex. Do you think she is pretty?” (WTF)

7. “We broke up because it just wasn’t working anymore” (seriously is this a date or a therapy session?)

8. “You’re a prude” (no, I just don’t like you.)

9. “Three drinks is not a lot. Have one more” (still, not sleeping with you)

10. “I can make girls orgasm just by looking at them” (that isn’t an orgasm; it’s a look of disgust)

11. “I don’t believe in marriage” (wait until you’re fat and bald)

12. “My girlfriend doesn’t know I’ve been texting you” (then stop)

13. “I saw you went on holiday to France on facebook” (yeah, like 5 years ago, stalker)

14. “The friend your with in your profile picture is a catch” (then date her instead)

15. “Send me a picture of your toes” (errrrr, no. *deletes number*)

16. “I’ve slept with more people than you and your flatmates combined, two times.” (I wouldn’t tell anyone else that)

17. “I have gotten my last 2 girlfriends pregnant” (are you serious?!)

18. “I don’t like condoms” (well that explains the previous point!)

19. “I think sex should happen first to determine if we have chemistry” (now I know that we don’t)

20. “I can’t believe you are with me, You are going to break my heart one day.” (grow some balls)


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