Let me tell you a true story about Amy, one of my best mates!
But before I tell you, here’s a little background into Amy’s love life.
In her mid 20’s, she’s gorgeous, super intelligent but not intimidating. Amy is as sweet as pie and a good catch.
The two things that she doesn’t trust? Men, and herself when she’s around men. (Something we singles tend to have in common)
Despite this, Amy never has trouble attracting guys; her trouble is in keeping them.
Does this sound like anyone you know? Nah. Didn’t think so… ;-)
Anyway, Amy recently went on a date James. James is tall. James is hot. James is super cute. James is confident. James is experienced.
Basically, James is all of the characteristics that any girl finds so rarely in one man, that when she stumbles across such a guy, she HAS to have him.
Oh, and one other thing: James is on the rebound from a relationship. Amy is the first person he’s been with since his breakup.
What follows is altogether too predictable.
Amy went out with James. A few cheeky cocktails in some swanky bar. Barely able to contain her excitement, slept with him.
Naturally, James, still excited the next day, made the odd few texts later that night with suggestions of a second date to follow up soon. He even walked her to Clapham station the morning after.
Amy, breathing a great sigh of relief, started imagining James as potential boyfriend material… Which meant calls, texts, just to know where things were going…
Until, predictably, James pulled the “slow fade”, where he didn’t fall completely out of touch, but became highly inaccessible.
A week had passed and now Amy is on the phone to me asking for dating advice…..should she text him one last time? Maybe we could hang out near his house? Or maybe I could text his friend that we both know? (sound of record scratching)
“You want him BACK?” I ask.
“Yes! I don’t have this feeling about guys very often. I want it to last.”
“You mean the feeling of elation that comes with sleeping with a hot guy? Or the feeling of despair you have because he’s a player, he hasn’t called you and you don’t have any chance of having a successful long-term relationship with him?”
The silence on the other end was deafening. Yet Amy couldn’t disagree with me.
James WAS a player. James DID sleep with her right away. James WASN’T ready for a relationship. James DID just want a one night stand.
And yet here she was, reeling from raw emotion, begging me, to help her GET THIS IDIOT BACK.
This is like giving the alcoholic just one more drink.
I’m guessing you’ve had this bad idea yourself. I most definitely have.
Why do we do this girls? Some random hot guy breaks your heart and all you can do is beat yourself up and attempt to plot how to win him over once again. What a waste of time.
Even if I could create some magic potion that erased James’s memory of Amy’s needy texts and planted a chip in his head that forced him to call her every day… you know what Amy would get in return?
A selfish, immature, emotionally unavailable player who is in no position to be a good boyfriend to ANYBODY.
Thus, as far as I’m concerned, James gave Amy a gift – the gift of freedom.
The freedom to cut the cord quickly because there is no potential of a future with a man who has shown no desire to commit.
Look back in your past and consider how much time you wasted on men like this.
Now think of your future, and remember you’re probably one step closer to finding Mr Right J
Learn from these mistakes, enjoy your learnings, but remember your always better than a James!